Tuesday, June 10, 2008

It's a sign (I'm losing my mind).

"And in the days before the end of the world, many signs and wonders shall be seen, and men shall wonder, and worry, and stand around with their mouths hanging open, for they shall know not what to do. For the moon shall turn to blood, and the sun shall hide her face from the earth. And there shall fall fiery hailstones from heaven. And there shall be a year without a summer. And by these things ye shall know that the time is not far hence.

"Yea, wo be unto the unbelievers, who mock those who plant in their fields, saying, ye know not that the sun will rise and give light to your crops, or that the clouds will rain upon your fields. For ye cannot tell the future, and thou doth even hop on one foot and should be sitting down! Yea, verily, I say unto you that they shall be stricken with much itching and all manner of discomfort, for I shall smite them with the rod of my mouth, and the day will come that they will crawl to beg of those that planted; have mercy on us and give us of your substance! Even also share with us your aloe vera that this itching may be taken from us!

"And again I say unto you, wo, wo, be unto those who shall mock the keepers of chickens in their pens. Fools mock, but they shall mourn. For when the day cometh that the birds lay eggs in the next box, then shall all the people pour forth from the woodwork, saying, give us of your eggs, for we were just joking and thou shouldest not take everything so seriously! And in that day, the keeper of the flock shall close the door on the foolish, but shall open up unto the wise who spoke flattering words even though they didn't mean it, and they shall go in with her and feast upon eggs and chicken flesh.

So let it be written, so let it be done.


  1. Good job likening the scriptures! And alas, I think thou speaketh the truth! I hope I may be counted with the wise who have egg upon the face!

  2. Did I fail to mention how much I admire you for raising chickens?

  3. Uh huh. NOW you say that. I'm pretty sure you were laughing at me before.

    Yea, verily, Marjorie shall indeed have egg upon the face, but only if I can learn how to throw eggs 900 miles.