Saturday, September 20, 2008

A Parable of Peaches

1 On the eve of the Sabbath, the Farmer was walking in her garden in the cool of the day, and she beheld the peach tree, that the fruit thereof was good and ready to harvest.

2 And the Farmer looked down and beheld the fruit fallen to the earth beneath the tree and saw that it was beaten and bruised on the rocks. This waste grieved the Farmer, and she determined that the peaches should be picked that very night, yea, even on the eve of the Sabbath.

3 The Funny Farmer saith unto her children, let us go forth and harvest the fruit of this tree, for it is ripe and ready to harvest. Yea, let us thrust in our hands with our might, and pluck the fruit from the branches, that it may not be blown off by the wind and be lost unto us upon the rocks.

4 And the children said, nay, for we are playing a game. And also the Sabbath is nearly upon us; surely thou shalt not make us work so late on the eve of the Sabbath!

5 And the Farmer said, thou shalt stop playing thy game and help me harvest the peaches or thou shalt feel the wrath of my anger, yea, in my fierce anger shall I smite thy game unto destruction except thou speedily repent.

6 And the children obeyed. But there was much murmuring among the children; nevertheless, they did drag themselves up off the floor and follow the Farmer out into the garden.

7 And it came to pass that as they drew close to the tree, they saw that it was heavy with fruit.

8 And the children groaned and said, yea verily we are already sick of eating peaches, for thou hast fed us peaches from the garden all week long, and we would rather go and play our game than pick more peaches! But they looked upon the terrible face of the Farmer and were filled with fear, and did commence picking the fruit in silence for a time.

9 And it came to pass that while they were picking the fruit, there appeared in the tree the cat, who had heard the commotion in the garden, and being more subtle and curious than any other beast in the field, came forth to see what the fuss was all about.

10 And when the children saw this, they laughed and began to make merry and beckoned to the cat to come closer, but the cat was wise and would not hearken unto their pleadings, and fled from the tree, lest it be captured. The children pursued the cat to the edge of the garden, yea, unto the edge of the wilderness next door where those with bare feet dare not go, but the cat was fleet of foot and they could not overtake it, so speedy was its flight into the wilderness. And it came to pass that the cat could not be found anywhere in the garden from that time forth until darkness fell.

11 And it came to pass that the children heard the voice of the Farmer calling to them from the tree, saying, where art thou? Hast thou so soon forgotten my command to pick the fruit of this tree? Repent ye and return to your labors, lest I smite thee in my anger. Hurry, therefore, for my sword doth hang over thy game and it will surely be taken from thee for a week if thou doth delay thy coming. For darkness cometh quickly and the Sabbath is nearly upon us, and if we do not finish harvesting the fruit it will be utterly wasted by Monday.

12 Therefore the children, greatly fearing, returned to the tree and commenced again their labors.

13 The Farmer saw that the fruit of this tree was very good; yea, they were as large as baseballs, and the aroma thereof was sweet. And the children saw that they were good for food. And they began to find joy in their labors, especially did they take joy in throwing the fallen fruit at one another through the branches of the tree.

14 And it came to pass that after many minutes the work was finished.

15 And the children were glad.


  1. jealousy doesn't really become me...

  2. The scriptures surely would have been much more funny if written by a woman. Maybe that's why they were not. Also, they are so much better with pictures. If only they would have carved into the plates the look on the face of the King when Ammon brought in all those chopped off arms. You know, the whole thousand words thing. Maybe the scriptures would have been shorter. Either way, great post!

  3. And it came to pass, that I did expire from laughter.

  4. ...must... not.... covet....fruit trees....

  5. Okay I'll have to admit as I was reading mine eyes glazed overeth and I could not beareth the words because they were likened unto the scriptures...

    Okay I kid...I laughed! That was awesome that you were able to come up with that many versus!

    Can you send some peaches my way...I LOVE peaches! :)

  6. I loved it especially the cat and the cute picture of the happy kid.

  7. I love bible-speak! Very clever. I think you should be a Witty Woman.

    Any man, I want some peaches!

  8. I like the idea of illustrating the scriptures with contemporary pictures. You should see if you can get the Correlation Dept to do that.