Monday, November 10, 2008

How to make friends in your new ward (NOT)

My children and I sit on the second or third row in our church worship services.

On Sunday, a new family attended our meetings, and sat on the row in front of us. The family consisted of a couple that looked to be in their 50's and two mousy teenaged girls.

During one of the talks, one of my teenagers leaned over to ask a question about something the speaker had said. (Of course my angelic children listen attentively to all the talks in church. Don't yours?) I gave a whispered response, followed by another question. This went back and forth a few times. I didn't think we were being unduly loud or disruptive, but apparently I was wrong.

Suddenly the woman turned around, hooking her elbow over the back of her pew, and looked directly at me over her bifocals.

"What's your name?"

I sat back, flustered. Suddenly I was transformed into a little kid caught passing notes in class by the scary substitute teacher.

"Uh. Lisa?" Who the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do you think you are?

"Well, Lisa, I have a hearing problem and I am finding it hard to concentrate on the meeting with your conversation going on behind me."

You've got a problem, alright, but hearing ain't it. "Uh. I apologize."

And I died of humiliation right there. But not before I picked a stray hair from the shoulder of her wool suit jacket.

Anybody know a good voodoo artist?

20 comments:

happy mommy said...

Wow. She was really feeling the Spirit, wasn't she?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

WOW...doesn't she know you are the bishops wife and allowed to do whatever you want? That you hold the example for the ward...so if that is up to par then who is SHE to tell YOU how to run your word? I mean you are first lady and everything! :)

Crazy new people...they always ruin a perfect harmony!

OldBoatGuy said...

I have whispered in church with you, and I was the one who was too loud.

"I'm the Bishop's wife, and I can talk if I want to!"

I wonder what she'll say when she finds out you are the bishop's wife. Take her some cookies!

Becky said...

Yikes! That was a tad on the harsh side.

And sorry, my voodoo artist is totally booked until February. He's very popular.

hiccups said...

Dude. Voodoo is against your religion. I'm telling your Bishop.

Eliza said...

I have trouble keeping my little ones quiet. I was hoping by teenagerhood that the shhing would stop.

Now I've lost all hope. 'Cuz even the Bishop's family talks during the talks.

By the way, I think the hairy shoulder lady was a little rude. I mean how does she expect to make friends in her new ward if she's already picking on the Bishop's family? Doesn't she know that's off limits?

Heidi Ashworth said...

Oh me, oh my! It reminds me of the time that I was new in a ward and my husband and I were chatting about the bishopbric, wondering which one was older, the gray haired one or the one with the wrinkly face. When the meeting was over, the woman in front of us turned around and said, "I'm so and so, the wife of the one with the wrinkly face." BTW, she was about 18 years younger than he so I would have had no idea. Maybe you and the mousey woman will be off to a beautiful friendship-you never know.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ewwww. Is she really going to be a new member of your ward? I hope she's visiting.

You really shouldn't be whispering in sacrament meeting though.

What's your name, honey?

Funny Farmer said...

Happy Mommy - I don't know if she was, but I certainly wasn't!

Shelle - You're mocking me aren't you. :adds to voodoo list:

OBGuy - I made cookies! Then my LOUD children ate them. Pigs, the whole lot.

Becky - February is good. Put me down for two.

Hiccups - self righteous today, arent' we?

Becky - make that three.

Eliza - I don't think I look like a typical bishop's wife. Do you think it's the gum, or the camera phone?

Heidi - yes, I'm sure we'll be great friends. Until February.

Crash - How RUDE!

Becky - just put me down for six and then I'll have extras.

hiccups said...

Self-righteous? Drat. I was going for funny.

If you want self-righteous, I'll just say turn that other cheek, dearie. :P

OldBoatGuy said...

I think she was having a bad hear day. HeeHee

Kris said...

Oh, Farner,
She is a total hag. If she is there for good, I would call the RS Pres and tell her you wont vt her, or she will somehow think you should.
Sunday, my boys were unable to be reverent and I could not reach them from my seat. So, after the service I told the unlucky couple sitting behind us to feel free to thump them next week. Another family has stolen our seat in front of a family that always kept the boys in line in the past.

My advice is to never sit by those people.

Dal, Hel & Bel said...

A bishops wife who dabbles in voodoo, wallows in crap and rubs her husband's back too loudly. I LOVE YOU! (did I say that too early on in the relationship?) I have enjoyed spending some time getting to know your blog. I'll be back very soon!

Kris - Don't you just HATE seat stealers?! It disrupts everything.

Funny Farmer said...

OBG - that was so punny! hee hee!

Kris - my plan is to sit in the same place next week, and if they sit in front of us again, I'll break out the canned air horn.

A big American Welcome to dalhell'sbells, or whatever your funky Aussie name is. Help a lazy Idaho farmgirl out and shorten that name will you?

Hel said...

Done. Just because I like you.

Funny Farmer said...

Wow. I gots Da POWAH!!!!

Of course it is my comment box.

Thanks HEL! :waves madly:

Anonymous said...

one day a bunch of us decided it would be funny if we all switched seats on Sunday. Those who sat on the right moved to the left and vice versa. People wondered what was going on...and non of us liked our new spots. So we went back to our old comfortable places.

Laura said...

That is too funny! but sorry it happened to you...
Thanks for visiting my site


I don't have anything witty to say.
I was trying to think of something- but I just think.. that's sad...

Karianne said...

Thanks for casting me in a good light... cause I'm pretty sure I never ask you about things that go on in talks. But, I will claim the angelic children label.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Nothing like being talked to as if you were 2 years old, is there? She definitely could have expressed herself differently.