Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Attempted felinicide

My husband has only two faults: he doesn't like onions, and he is not a cat lover. I can forgive the first foible, but had I known about his dislike for felines before that uber-cold day in December 18 years ago, it might have been a deal breaker.

I had no idea how deep his dislike for my cat ran until last night I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and I heard a faint cougar-like scream. Just kidding -- I didn't hear it, because I had the Christmas music turned up too loud. But Susan, who was reclining on the living room couch in her sickish state, heard it. Then SUDDENLY! Tom burst through the front door and sprinted through the kitchen and threw open the door to the garage. And then I saw it: my cat's hindquarters under the closed garage door!!!!

She writhed and screamed pitifully as he leapt down the garage steps and ran to yank on the emergency door release. He lifted the door up. And the cat ran away, leaving desperate scrambling tracks in the newly fallen snow.

Half an hour later she appeared at the back door, begging to come in. I picked her up cooed and kissed her and massaged her spine looking for tenderness or bruising, but she acted like nothing had happened. So far, so good.

Update: late last night I heard an odd tinkling coming from the living room. So I looked through the doorway and what did I see?

♫ Four shoes on the floor
Three dirty socks
Two newspapers
And a Cat in the Christmas tree. ♫♪

I think she's gonna be just fine.


  1. LOL...thats cute...
    Merry Christmas

  2. Hee hee. Phew! That was close.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS. btw, that was mean that you sent my name in to the news as the naughtiest person on earth.

  3. it must be true that cats have nine lives... yours just used up one... maybe two if you properly beat her for the Christmas tree incident :)

  4. Stupid cat.

    I may have pushed the button, but I'm not the one who started to run under the door, hesitated, and then waited until it was too late to change her mind. It's not like this is the first time she's seen the garage door close.

    And for the record, I'm pretty sure that I am the only one in this family who has never tormented or intentionally been mean to that cat. Yes I think the world would be a better place without her, and yes, I almost killed her, but not on purpose. And I have never even considered putting her in the drier and turning it on.

  5. Oh HO HO!!! Did you see that?! My husband commented on my blog!!!!! For the very first time EVER!!!!!!!! So THAT's the secret to getting him out of lurkdom--accuse him of heinous crimes against felinity!

    :rubs hands together:


  6. Poor Kitty!!
    I love cats/Joel hates cats - we work it out one day at a time... we have TWO cats!
    I win!

  7. I love cats too! I'm glad yours survived, Lisa.

  8. Oh, poor kitty!

    Tom didn't seem quite as remorseful as he should have been. Coal in his stocking, eh?

    Merry Christmas tomorrow!

  9. I agree Tom, how is it your fault the cat did that. And I have seen evidence of others being mean to that cat. But still the fact that she helped Lisa through a long hard winter has to count for something.

  10. I hope you and your family have a very merry Christmas!

  11. Very funny but not as funny as Tom's comment/response. hee hee Merry Christmas!

  12. Glad the cat is ok! Is there a contest you could enter with this post? cuz it is pyp funny!!! Thanks for the laugh and Merry Christmas

    Laura said stupid cat

  13. I love how unrepentant he is about it. Ha ha ha.
    I like some cats. I've worried about being killed myself with the garage door. I think they like to pretend they're so much fatter than they are because of their fur.

  14. Oh my gosh!!! I am crying because I am laughing so hard. My hubby is giving me the skunk eye because I'm interrupting his show!! Bahahahahaha!!!

    To your husband's credit, he did not hold kitty's paw nor did it seem that kitty was tethered so that when the garage door closed it would be caught....can you tell how much I like cats?

    To my defense, we had cats growing when I was growing up and my mom was nicer to the cats than to the kids.....true story. So now we have dogs.

    PS-I am glad the cat will be fine. I would hate to see the cat drag itself around for the rest of its 8 lives.

  15. Fact: If you google "felinicide" this blog entry is the 5th unique result.

    Maybe there's a support group for Bishops wrongly accused of attempted felinicide. (Because obviously the most he could have been guilty of IF the cat had been creamed would be involuntary catslaughter.)

    And there's nothing wrong with not liking onions. I made a career of that as a kid. Even now the texture can still disturb me. Onion powder is far superior to chunks of real onion. (Yeah, bring it on, people. *air jabs*)

    Oh, yeah, Merry Christmas! :D

  16. OMGOSH! I can't believe your husband commented. how cute is that. And his name is Tom. He has a name. Tomcat. That's what I'm going to call him now.

    I hate to say it, but I'm on Tomcat's side.

    NEXT POST, Please!!!!!!

  17. I don't see how your cat getting itself stuck in the garage door is evidence that your husband hates cats. I think it is more proof that cats are not the smartest animals.
    P.S. Sheral told me about your blog.

  18. New year, new post?

    Maybe? Or did you give up the internet for the new year?


  19. I was literally on the edge of my seat with this one, great post, you funny girl.