We hosted Thanksgiving dinner this year. We trade off years celebrating the day with my family and three of Tom's siblings and their families.
I didn't give the holiday much thought; indeed, I kept forgetting that Thanksgiving was on Thursday of this week. I've noticed that I do this when I am feeling stressed about something--my mind just refuses to think about it until it absolutely has to. Late Wednesday night I remembered why--this is the first holiday since my mom passed away. It was last Thanksgiving when I first learned that mom was sick. I remember being very concerned, but hopeful that with good medical care she would get better. It never occurred to me that she might not see another Thanksgiving.
I feel that I should apologize to Tom's family; I wasn't a very festive hostess. The plentiful food was very good as usual, but nothing really hit the spot for me. I was happy to see everyone and their cute kids. I normally enjoy visiting and laughing and playing games. I just didn't have much laughter in me this year, and my pathetic acting skills weren't up to the task of hiding it. Forgive me, Amie and Jen, for being even more reclusive than usual. (I'd apologize to Jessica too... but she's used to me by now, I think.) I'm like a wounded animal sometimes; I just want to go hide somewhere and lick my wounds. I wasn't angry or grouchy or irritated, even when Hunter (Taylor?) found himself a bottle of bubbles and spilled it on the floor. I was just sad.
I'm sure next year will be better.