I'm feeling a fair amount of apprehension today. My chest feels tight and fluttery, like it does right before a piano recital or big game. I'm nervous, and I think I may know why.
My mother is scheduled for major surgery tomorrow (Tuesday). She needs heart bypass surgery, and the doctors have been in a dither what to do about her. Apparently she's a special case, with higher risk factors than most. I get the feeling that her doctor is afraid to operate. The surgery has been rescheduled three times. It's been a bit of a roller-coaster ride, gearing up emotionally for the event each time, and then the letdown of disappointment/relief when it was canceled. Oddly, the other three times I haven't felt quite this way, however. I have had a calm feeling as we approached the other dates. This time it's different, but I don't know why.
I'm also rather concerned about my son Nathan. He has just recovered from a week long bout with campylobacter, a food borne digestive infection. He was down for a solid week, and was left quite weak even after the infection had passed. He was already skinny when he got sick, and not eating for a week turned him into a bag of bones. He was very discouraged about being sick for so long, but his emotional health hasn't seemed to bounce back once his physical health was regained. It pains me to see him so sad and negative all the time. I'm at a loss what to do for him. It's a worry.
I find it ironic that loving people hurts so much.